so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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