I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
