textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
