C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
