A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
