if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
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I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
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But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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