john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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