The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
