Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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