I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
