I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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