smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
