So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
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You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
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I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.