Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
