Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dating After Heartbreak
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now