Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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