It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.