Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.

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  (301): so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first. http://tfl.nu/lqfv
  Replies (5) Good night (3305) Bad night (744)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.

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  (407): I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care. http://tfl.nu/n9k1
  Replies (14) Good night (4877) Bad night (775)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me

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  (610): we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me http://tfl.nu/jltn
  Replies (49) Good night (798) Bad night (6729)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me

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  (713): The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me http://tfl.nu/d25d
  Replies (8) Good night (3467) Bad night (1403)
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  (516): View more from New York

  That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.

  (1-516): View more from New York

  yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.

  (516): View more from New York

  Do you have to put it that way?

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  (516): That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him. (1-516): yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him. (516): Do you have to put it that way? http://tfl.nu/hbgy
  Replies (21) Good night (6369) Bad night (1092)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent

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  (+44): In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent http://tfl.nu/3kq5
  Replies (12) Good night (3869) Bad night (1008)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.

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  (608): hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink. http://tfl.nu/2o9s
  Replies (4) Good night (1297) Bad night (602)
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  (310): View more from California

  I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one

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  (310): I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one http://tfl.nu/kvjq
  Replies (12) Good night (966) Bad night (1916)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok

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  (386): I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok http://tfl.nu/xajl
  Replies (4) Good night (1336) Bad night (1252)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.

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  (302): Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE. http://tfl.nu/pskj
  Replies (6) Good night (565) Bad night (1445)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.

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  (256): Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life. http://tfl.nu/8lve
  Replies (5) Good night (767) Bad night (390)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  "I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.

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  (440): "I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth. http://tfl.nu/p4vu
  Replies (5) Good night (469) Bad night (784)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered

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  (303): Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered http://tfl.nu/0k0t
  Replies (2) Good night (654) Bad night (423)
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  (408): View more from California

  im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake

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  (408): im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake http://tfl.nu/9w4m
  Replies (1) Good night (713) Bad night (342)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.

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  (804): The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette. http://tfl.nu/rkzr
  Replies (1) Good night (519) Bad night (292)

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