There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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