I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.