I'm gonna have a badass scar
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
