Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need a hoe opinion
go on
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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