it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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