Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
