I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
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Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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