At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
