YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
