so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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