Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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