Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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