fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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