my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
