hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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