I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I will pee on everything he values.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
