so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We got so high we made milksteak
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
