somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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