I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
