Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
