Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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