I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
