Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
