His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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