Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
