if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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