I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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