Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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