someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she told me i tasted like america
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
