so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
