I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
