I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I came so hard my ears popped.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
