There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
