Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
