Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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