I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
