Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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