my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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