my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
