All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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