I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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