i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
