So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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