I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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