Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
