And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
