On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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