I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
