final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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