It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
