i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
jump out the window naked night went bad
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