Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
